1. Greet people 
with a smile
Whether it’s passing a stranger as you enter a restaurant, walking up to a customer service agent, or greeting your loved ones you still see everyday, being greeted with a smile creates connection. There is a warmth to a genuine smile that communicates “I see you” and “I value you as another human just trying to survive in this crazy world.”
2. Take the time to talk
“How are?”
“Good! Busy but good. You?”
We won’t get in to the glorification of busy right now, but how often does our default answer actually kill the conversation? Answer with something that you’re looking forward to (a visit from your parents, a vacation, the upcoming season) or something you’re working on (training for a race, reading an interesting book, a DIY project). Don’t just leave it at that, ask them what’s energizing them these days. What are they finding passion or joy in or wanting to pursue?
3. Wish people Happy Birthday
Maybe you have important birthdays on your calendar or maybe you rely on Facebook for the “Today’s Birthdays” section, but the birthday person can never have too many well wishes. Help them feel celebrated! Even better, tell them one thing you love or admire about them along with your birthday wishes.
4. Look for the less noticeable things
The shy coworker at a company party. The recently divorced cousin who’s at a family reunion for the first time without their kids. The friend that seems strong and always has it together. The colleague who might be missing their dad on their first Father’s day without them. The cousin at a family wedding who’s still single. The widowed neighbor on Valentine’s Day. Holidays and other social events can provide wonderful opportunities for joy and connection, but can leave some feeling especially alone in their circumstances. Look for those who may be struggling during times that a happy for others.
5. Drop by spontaneously
Sometimes it seems that this is something that only happens in the movies, especially those Hallmark ones. We live in a day where we associate a knock on the door with something negative (a salesman) or dangerous (stranger), unless of course you’re expecting a package to be delivered from Amazon. Unexpected visits aren’t for everyone, but dropping by a plant or a plate of cookies doesn’t have to be threatening or awkward. It’s thoughtful. Simple as that.
6. When you’re thinking of someone, let them know
As human beings, we’re wired for connection and relationships. That means that we think about the people around us and in our individuals worlds. If you’re thinking of a friend or colleague going through a difficult time, send a text saying “I’m thinking of you” or “Thinking of you. I’m always here if you need to talk.” When you hear a song that reminds you of a college roommate or make that recipe from an old neighbor, tell them what reminded you of them. If you’re missing a family member or close friend, text them “I miss you! How are you?”
7. Delay your offers of condolence
Condolences poor out on social media, flower, or casserole dishes following a difficult loss. As much as those gestures are well intended and appreciated, the ones who are grieving are so overwhelmed processing the loss that it can be hard to take in kind words of others. Not only that, but after some time (usually about a month), a person grieving can feeling even more alone when all those that were there for them initially have gone back normal life, when nothing about adjusting to the loss of a loved one feels normal. You can still express your condolences in the beginning, but check in with the person 1-3 months following the loss when they need the connection and kindness even more.
8. Send Snail Mail
Text, email, e-invites, and social media messaging leave little need for communication the “old fashioned” way. That leaves our mailboxes largely filled with the weekly ads and bills. Send a thank you card to someone you appreciate. Write a love letter to your significant other if you don’t live in the same place. Have your kids send drawings to their grandparents or great grandparents. Break up the boring mail with something unexpected by sending snail mail.
9. Introduce Yourself First
We’ve all had events we’ve attended – a conference, a neighborhood BBQ, a birthday gathering – where we don’t know everyone and it can be easy to stay in our bubble and not put ourselves out there. But think about what it’s like for YOU when other people do that. It can be easy to assume that another person is uninterested, cold, or snobby when they’re likely just as reserved, shy, or uncomfortable as you are about making new introductions. Make a commitment to yourself to not be viewed by others as uninterested, cold, or snobby by having a little courage to initiate the conversation with someone new. Break the ice. Introduce yourself and ask their name and how they’re connected to the event/person. Reach for a handshake. Or don’t. But a warm smile is definitely in order.
10. Look people in the eyes
Cashiers and receptionists greet every customers or patrons and how often does this greeting fall flat and not get responded to. Sure, there are people who don’t seem that enthusiastic to ask “How’s Your Day going?” or “Did you find everything you’re looking for?” but for those who are making more of an effort in their job, how dismissive and invalidating it could feel when your greeting or question doesn’t even get responded to, whether through eye contact or a verbal response. Looking people in the eyes acknowledges their humanness in a simple but beautiful way.
11. Talk about shared experiences or the other person’s interest
This idea was made well-known in Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” He explains that people really do enjoy talking about themselves. Approaching a conversation through the lens of showing genuine interest in the other person’s life is not only more likely to get the conversation going, but takes the pressure off you to do all the talking. You may not find anything in common, and that’s okay, because the goal is to help another feel seen, not to talk about yourself or your interests. If by chance you do find a common interest – Fixer Upper, hunting, South American travel, beehives, whatever if is – the conversation will take off and probably not be your last.
12. Schedule quality time
How often do we default to following social pleasantries, even with people that we are or were close to at one point. Ya know, before life got so “busy.”
“Hi! How are you?”
“Good, just really busy. How are you?”
“Doing good.”
“We need to catch up more”
“I know! Things are a little crazy now, but let’s talk in a few weeks?”
“Sounds great!”
And then 3 months pass. Or 3 years.
Get intentional with these social invitations and schedule it by doing one of the following
- Chose one friendship a month (or per quarter, even a year) to attend to
- Invite a different friend to lunch each month
- Create a Dinner Group or Supper Club with other couples or with a small group of friends. One a month. Once a quarter. Whatever works best. Rotate who hosts/cooks, but schedule it, almost like a standing appointment.
There you have it! Now go out and do something with it!
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