How & Why to Involve Your Kids in Keeping Your Home Clean(ish)

Chances are, you struggle to keep your home clean because, well…you’re human, you’re busy, and every day life undoes all the work you did the day before.  Some parents spend so much time and energy maintaining a clean home that they don’t have energy to put into their relationships.  Others are so focused on letting their “kids be kids,” they ignore teaching moments or normalize a messy house (we’ve all had a college roommate that left their dirty pan in the sink for a week…don’t let your kids be that roommate).  Whatever your standard of cleanliness is for your home, involve your kids!

WHY ?  

Involving your kids in household cleaning not only help you out (no, children shouldn’t be maids, but neither should you) but teaches kids valuable life lessons.  Many teens and young adults develop anxiety around the thought of entering adulthood because of the responsibilities that will be required of them.  These responsibilities aren’t any different than they were 15 or 20 years ago.  Have a job, do laundry, cook a meal, pay bills, make doctor’s appointment.  Why is this?  The recently coined terms “Lawnmower Parent” or “Snowplow Parent” illustrate how many parents nowadays try to remove any possibility of struggle, failure, unwanted task, or unpleasant emotion.  This is NOT the way to prepare our children for the world. As opportunities for struggle are removed, so are the experiences that build resiliency.

A parent who has no expectation for their children to help with household tasks robs the child of learning valuable lessons as they grow up.  These children tend to be entitled, not value effort or contribution, don’t respect rules or authority, and struggle to adjust to expectations when they implemented at a later time (often teen years, and by that point implementing something new is a nightmare).  On the other hand, a parent who demands their child to do something without defining, explaining, or showing what they want done and just expect them to figure it out, chances are, they’ll be disappointed in the outcome.  Unfortunately, this can lead to criticism and ridicule that can be very damaging to a child’s self-esteem and lead to mental health problems down the road.  So HOW is this done in the best way?

HOW?

Please welcome…the idea of WITH.  We need to get away from parents doing it all or kids doing it on their own and work with kids.  Yes, sometimes it will be easier to just do it yourself, but if you hold on to the bigger picture during the “training period,” it will pay off!  Your household will run better, you’ll be less stressed, and your kids will be more independent.  The MOST important part is consistency.  Say it with me…CON-SIS-TEN-CY.

Now, keep in mind that expectations should be reasonable and age-appropriate.  There is a lot of competing opinions out there about whether or not kids should get an allowance.  One argument is that kids should participate in chores because they participate in living there.  Another is that earning money gives children the opportunity to learn the basics of saving, spending, and tithing.  BOTH are valid points.  And the approach to kids’ jobs below, involves both ideas.  Additionally, some jobs are left for consequences for misbehavior.  This idea is taken from Love and Logic – when misbehavior drains a parent’s energy, the child does an extra job that the parent no longer has the energy for due to dealing with the misbehavior.  Here are the 3 ways to break down household jobs for kids.  *Please note that these jobs are not suitable for all children.  Generally, but the jobs are deemed to be developmentally appropriate from school-aged children.

1. Contributions – ways of doing things that everyone in the family does
2. Chores – for kids to earn allowance and then learn money management skills
3. Consequences – for kids who don’t respond well to loss of privileges and need another approach to discipline

Jobs – contributions, chores, and consequences