Amid COVID-19, the anxiety of our community at this time is undeniable and overwhelming. As a therapist, I am trying to hold my client’s anxieties while processing my own concerns about how current conditions will impact the future. I also feel for the friend who’s baby is in the hospital after being found unresponsive, the neighbor who just lost their income, the healthcare workers who make sacrifices to show up for others, and those whose hearts are otherwise burdened with fear. So how do we overcome this? How do we keep going despite all the evidence around us that our lives and world aren’t as safe as they felt a few months back? Here is one idea that might help change your perspective on whatever is causing your anxiety and provide some peace of mind.
“What if” = Fear. “Even if”=Faith.
What if there’s another earthquake? What if my spouse loses their job? What if I always feel this way? What if the other driver doesn’t pay attention? What if my child gets exposed to pornography? These are just a few of the “what ifs” that I hear from clients, on repeat. I discuss all kinds of “f words” with my clients – Fight, flight, freeze, fear, (go with the) flow, flexibility (in thought), and when appropriate, faith.
“What if” thoughts leave us frozen, frantic or fleeing from the threat (or perceived threat) of danger. The “What ifs” are questions that we don’t actually answer in a way that leaves us unsettled. Having fear-based thoughts leads to unproductive problem solving, angst in waiting for things to get worse, and feelings of helplessness. “Even if” thoughts are solution-focused, faith-based, confidence-building, and hopeful that everything will work out.
Even if the diagnosis is confirmed, we have support to get through this difficult time. Even if there’s another earthquake, we’ve taken steps to prepare (i.e. made 72 hour kits, discussed the evacuation plan, etc). Even if I lose my job, I have savings, skills to be more frugal, and skills to get hired when job opportunities become available. Even if my child is bullied, I have created (or can create) the kind of safe environment and relationship that can allow them to share their feelings or work through this hard thing.
See what a difference this can make! Now I am not dismissing that life for so many seems hard as we’ve been required to make some adjustments recently. But the thing is, the influence of our thoughts is a powerful thing. With so much that is outside our influence, your thoughts are within your influence. You can choose which type of thought to entertain.
Application:
Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. Write down all of your “What If” questions on the left side of the paper. Don’t stop here! But do notice how you’re feeling when you read through that list. Then, for each “What If” thought, create one (or more) “Even if” statements. After finishing this, read through the list and again tune in to your emotions and notice them. Keep this list to use as a list of positive affirmations to review when you’re feeling anxious.
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